3 Months

I am a blogger failure. Sorry guys, I've just been lazy. I tend to overthink these posts about how I want them to be and then I get overwhelmed and just never do them. So I'm just throwing that out the window and will ramble to my heart's content instead ;)

Maddie is now three months old! So crazy! She is soo much fun right now, I swear everyday I enjoy her even more! She is such a happy baby and now that we're passed that whole cry-for-no-reason phase, she rarely has bad days anymore. I feel much more confident in my own mommy skills now which makes everything better! :)

Stats: 12lbs 1oz (30th percentile), 23.5in (37th percentile). Blue eyes - starting to get a bit lighter and so pretty! Still got that RED hair too! :) 

Clothes: She started fitting into 0-3mos around 2 months so we're still in those - probably for at least another month.

Sleep: She has regressed slightly and is waking up for a middle of the night feeding again. I think it's another growth spurt to blame. She usually sleeps 10:30-2:30, eats, and then sleeps 3-6:30, eats again, and then sleeps 7-9ish. So overall it's not too bad since she's still in my room with me. It makes feedings pretty easy. 

Favorite Activities: 

     - LAUGHING! It is officially the greatest sound I have ever heard! 

      - Being sung to - she just lights up and we get these huge goofy smiles!

      - Sitting up. She has let us know that she is no longer a baby and wants to be held upright so she can look around. 

      - Kicking. When she gets going it's pretty hilarious to see. She looks like she's trying to ride an invisible bike :) 

      - Talking. She has gotten soo vocal in the last week or so! She just loves to chat with someone and will babble on and on - you can tell she is just so pleased with herself. So cute! 

Least Favorite Activities:

     - Riding in the car without someone in the backseat with her. We've had a couple traumatic (mostly for me) experiences when it's just the two of us :/

      - Being left alone for more than 5 seconds. Lately, I have to be at her side nonstop. She will barely let me put her down for naps...it's been a bit difficult. 

      - Waking up. We always laugh at how hard it is for her to wake up - it's a funny process to watch her fight it...until she starts screaming lol 

She is such a happy girl and we are loving this time with her! It's so fun to watch her grow and change so much!

Unexpected Challenges

So many of you know we had some health issues with Madeline when she was first born. I wanted to elaborate on that and get out the whole story. 

The day after Maddie was born, June 24th, started out as the best day! We were over the moon to have our little babe and didn't even mind the zero hours of sleep we got the two nights before! We had a fun day of showing her off to her grandparents and just staring at her perfect little face - she was so beautiful! That evening, the nurse noticed her temperature was a bit low so we wrapped her in extra blankets and did more skin to skin. After a while she would get really warm and clammy so I would unwrap her a bit...but then her temp dropped again. This cycle repeated a few times and so the nurse put her on the heating table and took some blood to see of there was an infection. Throughout all this, no one was overly concerned. 

After a while they found she did have a bit of an infection so they started her on antibiotics. They decided to take her to the nursery for this. While the nurse was sitting with her in the nursery, she noticed that she was having some apnea episodes where she wouldn't breathe for about 20 seconds and that's when her temp got all weird. They came back to our room with a doctor and informed us that our one-day-old daughter was having seizures and would need to be transferred to the local Children's Hospital. They hurried to discharge me so we could go with her and we showed up at the NICU around 1am. 

They had Maddie hooked up to an EEG to monitor the seizure activity. She was seizing almost nonstop. Apparently in newborns, seizures are hard to detect just by looking at the baby. They put her on IV meds to try to stop the seizures and we went home for a few hours since we hadn't slept in three days. That's got to be one of the worst feelings in the world: going home without your baby. We were like zombies. 

It took them a whole day and three medications to get the seizures to stop. We were told getting them to 'break' is the hardest part and that it's much harder for them to start up again. We can happily say thats the last seizure she's had. She was basically sedated for the next 3 days due to these meds. Since she had no seizure activity, they were able to start weaning her off the sedative. They wanted her completely off this med before getting an MRI so that took a few days. It was then a waiting game for another day and a half to get the results. 

On July 1st, they told us they had the results of Madeline's MRI and scheduled us an appt with our medical team to discuss them. This was the first red flag. They came in our room, closed the door and told us that the MRI showed that Madeline has severe/profound brain damage. My stomach hit the floor and my brain basically shut off. All I can really remember from that meeting is the look on our Neurologist's face as she spoke. It was a look of pure pity. Never in my life has anyone ever looked at me that way. That look will forever be engrained in my mind - I will never forget it. We pretty much crumbled after that and could not even really stay to hear the details. We basically ran home and fell apart. We did not know anything at that point as far as where we would go from there. 

The next day we were a bit more 'together' (barely) and both of our parents came to the hospital to be there with us. We had another meeting with our doctors to better understand the situation. At some point in the final two weeks of my pregnancy, Maddie suffered a loss of oxygen. It happened multiple times and this caused the damage. We have no way of knowing exactly how it happened but most likely she was on her umbilical cord and blocked the blood flow. There was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it - it was just a freak accident. 

Her official diagnoses is Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy (HIE). As far as how this will affect her, no one really knows. Newborn brain injuries are extremely hard to predict due to the brain's plasticity. Most babies with damage like her's require ventilators and feeding tubes - neither of which Madeline ever needed. So the doctors have been very positive. We will just have to wait and see how she progresses and develops to assess what areas will be affected. The MRI is just a picture and really does not tell you much of anything in regards to the outcome for babies with this injury. The doctor said he had been surprised many times by babies doing much better than expected. 

On July 4th we were discharged and we took our little girl home after a 10 day stay in the NICU. She is still on some medication for the seizures as a precaution but we are hoping to start weaning off of those in the next few months. Since coming home, Madeline has been an extremely healthy thriving baby! She is doing everything a typical baby would do with no issues in sight.  She is now holding her head up, tracking things with her eyes, kicking her legs, and eating like a champ! She has even started giving us some adorable smiles. :) 

We have been able to get started in the Early Start program through the state of California. We will have a developmental therapist come weekly to work with Maddie to make sure she is meeting all her milestones and get her extra help if any issues arise. I'm so happy we have this so we can tackle anything that comes up before it's a problem. 

We have been so thankful for the love we have felt from all of our family and friends. It has gotten us through a very tough time and we are forever grateful for such supportive people in our lives. We are taking a positive outlook on this whole diagnosis. We have heard so many stories of great outcomes and are hopeful. Regardless of how Maddie develops, we are so in love with this perfect little girl and could never imagine our lives without her. She is a miracle and has already shown us a strength we never thought existed. While this is definitely not the outcome we had planned for and expected, we know that we are blessed with this beautiful girl and will give her the best possible life we can.  I am so lucky to be her mom and I can't wait to share this life with her <3 

3am Ramblings

Hello! I am up every night around 3-4am to feed our little piglet babe. During these times, I find myself searching through Facebook, IG, Pinterest, etc...anything to both kill the time and stay awake! However, at 3am on a Thursday there sure isn't a whole lot of activity. Soo I figured, why not use this time to blog about our latest happenings - keeping our family/friends and my future self updated on the new mom life! So this blog is going to make a little shift in content from now on. I cannot say that it will always be very well-written or even coherent so bear with me...I'm still adjusting to life without sleep ;) Anywho, I am now typing this with my arms full of a passed out milk-drunk little person so I will keep this post short and sweet. Next time, I will actually write about something interesting...hopefully. Until then, enjoy some adorable pictures of our babe...

Madeline Jane's Birth Story

Hello - So much has happened since I last updated this blog! I have decided to continue to update on here for a little while...it has been kind of nice to write everything down. It is really more for me than anyone else, so I apologize in advance for the long-winded ramblings :) Anywho, on to the story of Madeline's birth...

I had decided that I was going to work up until my 37th week of pregnancy in order to give myself at least a week or more to finish getting everything settled and organized since we had just moved to a new place. Well, that did not really happen. The Thursday of my last week of work, I woke up and instantly felt awful. My lower back was killing me and my stomach felt like a constant cramp. I thought it would get better as the day went on, so I tried to go to work. It just did not get better, so I went home for the day and continued to feel sick. We had a doctor's appointment that afternoon so I was hoping he would tell me I was almost there! But he didn't. He told me everything I was feeling was completely normal for this stage of pregnancy and that he thought I still had another few weeks to go. Ugh. So the next day, Friday, was my last day of work. I woke up still not feeling well at all but I knew I had to go in to work that day. I went in, met with my boss for all the last minute details and went home at 10am. I was feeling somewhat sharper pains at this time which I thought were contractions, but there was never a definite start and end so I couldn't time them. This continued for the rest of the day.

Around 3am that Saturday morning, these contractions began to start feeling a little stronger. I was sort of able to time them occasionally, but they were very inconsistent. I was obviously not in labor yet. The day went on and the contractions continued that way. I was able to talk through them and they were never to the point of painful, more just uncomfortable and annoying. I tried to time them throughout the day, but every time I actually got the timer out, they seemed to stop, so I pretty much gave up on that. We had planned to get together with our doula, Sarah that afternoon for our pre-labor meeting.  I told her about how I was feeling and she agreed with the doctor that she thought I still had some time.

About an hour after she left, Kevin was getting ready to go pick up his car that was in the shop. I had planned on going with him since we needed someone to drive the other car back, but a few minutes before we needed to leave, I had a MAJOR contraction. Like, a curled-up-on-the-bed-moaning contraction. It came out of nowhere but there was finally PAIN. Since I was in no condition to drive at that point, Kevin just went himself and was going to have a friend drive the car back. I decided to get in the tub to see if that would help me feel better and I had heard that it can slow down labor (although I still did NOT think I was in labor). Once I got in, I had another big contraction...and then another about 4 minutes apart or so. I had been texting with my mom throughout all this and she told me she thought I should call the doctor. I was hesitant because he had told us to call when I was having contractions 4 minutes apart for at least an hour. Before these last few contractions, they had been around 10-15 minutes apart so I didn't think it was time to call yet. My mom told me that early labor contractions generally do not start out this painful and intense so I needed to find out what was going on. I texted Kevin and told him to hurry home. He got there about 10 minutes later and I just said, 'I need to go to the hospital'.

He began running around grabbing all our stuff and throwing it into a bag since we were not quite done packing yet (oops!). He called the doctor's office to let them know we were going to the hospital, and they told him that our doctor was out of town for the weekend. GREAT. Kevin had a mild 'Knocked Up' moment, but we just hurried out the door. In the car, he called Sarah and told her to turn around and come back! It was about 4:30pm now and luckily, we live about 10 minutes from the hospital, so getting there was not too bad, but the contractions were consistently coming and were very painful. We went straight to the Emergency Room since I was not able to walk up to the Birth Center myself. When we were checking in, they asked me how far apart my contractions were and I told them about 4 minutes. The woman took one look at me and said, 'I think it's a lot closer than that!' They had someone come and wheel me up to the Birth Center so they could check me. Much to my surprise (and delight!) I was 6 cm already! Woah! I must have been in labor for a while already and just hadn't realized it! I was happy because I thought this meant that labor would be very quick and hopefully not too awful. The nurse said, 'You guys are going to have a baby tonight!' If only we had known....

I was admitted to Labor and Delivery around 5:30pm on Saturday June 22nd, thinking we would have this baby by midnight. I got my room, Kevin brought all our stuff up, Sarah had made it, our parents were called, and we were ready to go. I had made it clear that I was wanting an unmedicated birth if at all possible and we had a nurse that was supportive of that and really left us to labor as we wanted. I started out in the tub, and then moved to the birthing ball, the shower, the bed, just about every position possible, I tried it. At this point, we realized that Madeline was sunny-side up rather than face down like she should have been. This was causing what they call, 'back labor'. It is no joke! Basically, the hard part of her head was smashing into my spine the entire time. It was SO painful! The worst part about it, is that the pain does not end when the contraction stops...there really is no break from it. Any pregnant ladies reading this, do your spinning babies exercises because back labor is the worst! I really believe that if she had been facing the other way, labor would not have been that bad. So I labored on and on for hours. The only thing that really kept me going was thinking that I must be close to pushing by now! I was willing myself into thinking I had to push...but no such luck. I labored like this for 12 hours...when the nurse checked me again I knew I had to be almost there. I was at.....6cm. All this time and pain and I had not progressed at all. When the nurse had checked me this time, she inadvertently broke my water. The next contraction after that, I literally lost my mind. The intensity of it tripled, and I started to panic. I felt like an animal who would chew her own arm off just to get away from this torture. I lost it. I begged the nurse for help and she said she would call the anesthesiologist for me. She came back and said he was just waking up and was on his way. Waking up?! I needed him NOW! Every contraction was absolutely terrifying at this point and I really didn't think I could handle it much longer. He finally made it and started the epidural process. Oh my gosh, it was SO awful to have to sit up and hold still while this was happening. The nurse and Kevin stood in front of me while I squeezed them and just screamed from the pain of it all. It felt like forever but was probably only about 5 minutes. Finally it was over and I had relief! I've never felt so happy, and I didn't even have my baby yet!

After all this, everyone was exhausted so we all settled in and took a well-deserved nap. I was not able to really sleep, but the rest was nice. When everyone woke up a few hours later, I still was only at 8cm. This was taking FOREVER! They decided to start me on a low dose of pitocin to get things moving more quickly. I was not very happy with this, but something needed to happen. It had now been over 24 hours since I had eaten anything, combined with all the medication and I was now feeling really nauseous. Fast-forward to me projectile vomiting all over Kevin and that was just the cherry on top of this whole day :/.

Hours went by and finally, by 2pm Sunday afternoon, I was fully dilated and ready to push. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, 'okay, by 3 I will have this baby.' Then, 'ok, by 4 I will have this baby'....'By 5, I will have this baby'. I pushed and pushed and pushed. She was just taking her sweet time. The pushing itself was not that bad, I just so wanted her to come at this point! By 5, the hospital got a call that my doctor had just gotten into town and was on his way - just in time! He got there right when I was crowning. I pushed as hard as I could for about 15 minutes with him and she still was not coming out! He finally decided that since I had been pushing for almost 3 and a half hours at this point, I needed some help. He used the vacuum and FINALLY Madeline came out! They had seen meconium in my water when it broke earlier so they had some NICU doctors there when she was born. They instantly cut her cord and scooped her up and over to their table - she was not breathing. They worked for a minute and suctioned the fluid from her lungs and then she started crying. We got to hold her just a few minutes later and we were on cloud nine! She was beautiful! We spent the next few hours just staring at our gorgeous little strawberry blonde girl. Even though absolutely NOTHING went as I had hoped and planned with the labor, it was 100% worth it to see our little girl. Madeline Jane was born 6/23/2013 at 5:28pm. She was 6lbs 4oz, 19inches long. Absolutely perfect. <3

And now for picture overload...

My last belly pic - taken 2 days before I went into labor...

 

Hudson was concerned when I was in the tub before going to the hospital...

 

35 Weeks

                        *Since we've been in the process of moving, I wasn't able to take my usual bump picture, so this will have to do. The chalkboard is courtesy of my friend Aimee this week...much more artistic than I normally do! :)*

 Oh my gosh the last two weeks have been soo busy! We had another doctors appointment last week that went well again. I have one more next week and then I will have to go every week after that until the baby comes - that's a LOT of doctor visits! The day after my last appt, my mom and Kevin's mom both came into town and we all went and saw my 3D ultrasound! Baby girl was pretty sleepy the whole time, (and was clearly squished), but we did get to see her sweet little face and it was so cool! SHE IS SO CHUBBY ALREADY! I was shocked! They said she was already about 5 and a half pounds so if she keeps growing on schedule, she will be over 8 lbs by my due date. It was so much fun to see her :)  The day after that, I had a baby shower that a lot of our family and friends came to and it was just SO wonderful! It was a great day and we are extremely blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives! And then, to top off another busy week, I had another baby shower (this time at my work) which was just so nice and then Kevin and I finally moved! Thankfully, it all went smoothly and now we are just busy unpacking everything and settling in before our little one gets here! phew!


How Far Along:  35 weeks 2 days
Baby is the size of: a coconut - about 18-19 inches long and just under 6lbs.  
Symptoms: The last two weeks have been making me nervous. I've been getting quite a bit of cramping in my lower belly area, as well as lots of lower back aching. I think the baby is starting to drop now also because lately I cannot walk more than 10 feet without wincing in pain..she's getting really heavy on my cervix. I've still got a semi upset stomach most of the time too. I can barely sleep anymore either...I wake up around 3am everyday - I just can't get comfortable at night! And, TMI warning, I've started to lose bits of my mucous plug too...and whatever you do, do NOT Google Image that. I'm serious. All of this stuff is normal, it's just starting to make me nervous about going into labor early! I still have things to get done so I want to hold her in there to cook for at least another 3-4 weeks! 
Movement: Still moving lots - more rolling movements. It's not as much fun to feel her move as it used to be...it's definitely getting uncomfortable and even painful at times.
Miss Anything? walking at a normal speed. Not feeling sick all the time. My cheekbones...
Food Cravings: Nothing really - still just really thirsty a lot!
Anything making you sick/queasy? Anything heavier makes me nauseous. It just kind of depends on my stomach at that moment. 
The Bump: I can't believe its STILL growing this much!
Gender: Baby K is a GIRL!
Mood: Nervous about all these weird feelings in my belly lately! And overall just very tired, but I haven't been too cranky about it surprisingly.
Best Moment this week:   Our 3D ultrasound and the baby showers!! We've had such a great few weeks!
Looking forward to: Now that we've moved, I can finally start getting the nursery together! We have to paint the room next weekend, but I can start getting all the stuff that I've been collecting organized. I want to get all this done as soon as possible because you really never know when the baby will come at this point! It'll be so fun to finally see her room!

33 Weeks

 Hello! We are really cruising along with this pregnancy now - I feel like I am getting soo close and I either get really excited or really nervous when I think about it...usually both. I am definitely at the point now where I feel totally handicapped and everything is hard. Like, really hard. I have not been feeling great, and I can absolutely understand now why everyone says in the third trimester, you just want it all to be over! But, in spite of all that, we have so many things going on right now, there is a lot to be excited about! I have my friends and family baby shower this upcoming weekend so my mom will be coming out to stay with us for a few days - very excited! Then the following week, I have a baby shower at my work and we are moving! It'll be an extremely busy time, but once it's all done I know it will be soo nice to have everything settled. I only have about 4 weeks left of work and I know it will just fly by! I can't believe how close we're getting now :)


How Far Along:  33 weeks 4 days
Baby is the size of: a squash - about 18 inches and close to 5lbs.  
Symptoms: Very tired lately..and not sleeping too great either which doesn't help. I've also had quite a bit of random stomach aches and pains throughout the day - everything from cramps to sharp pain to nausea. I am super swollen these days too! My ring doesn't stand a chance and I can only fit into one pair of sandals. :/ A new one in the past week has been heartburn! I thought I might be one of the very lucky few who didn't have this one because I hadn't had any sign of it yet..but alas, it's finally made it's appearance. It really hasn't been too too awful yet though so I can't complain too much. Hopefully it doesn't get worse.
Movement: She is still moving like crazy! It's getting to be a little uncomfortable now though. The other day, I rolled over a little weird and kind of smushed her I think...she let me know how she felt about that my giving me a big double footed stomp to the lungs. It hurt SO bad. I won't be doing that again anytime soon. You can just sit there and watch my belly move as she rolls around - she's quite the active one!
Miss Anything? just being a normal functioning person. I feel so debilitated these days!
Food Cravings: Nothing much really - still just really thirsty! We went to a local Hawaiian restaurant yesterday and I got some Lilikoi Lemonade...it was pure heaven.
Anything making you sick/queasy? Most foods make me feel a little sick these days...and spicy food gives me heartburn. But I'm not having any food aversions thank goodness.
The Bump: large and in charge. I feel like a whale.
Gender: Baby K is a GIRL!
Mood: Definitely more emotional than normal. Basically any strong emotion makes me cry...whether it's happy, sad, angry, frustrated etc. I cried last week because I was hungry but couldn't decide what to eat. I'm trying not to get too crazy but some days are more grumpy than normal...hehe.
Best Moment this week:   We had another doctor's appointment last week and got to see our girl again. Everything looks great still and I really am feeling so amazingly lucky to have had no health problems during this pregnancy. I know, I have complained about all my symptoms every post and I would never say that this pregnancy has been easy, but we really are so blessed to have had no complications because I know they can be very common.
Looking forward to: My baby shower next weekend! I cannot wait to see all my friends and family that will be there! I am so lucky to have such great people in my life and I know it will be a wonderful day! :)

30 Weeks

 Hello! So I am failing at this blogging thing...sorry guys. I have been either super busy or super sleepy every weekend lately and just have not had the motivation to get this done.  In the past few weeks, we have had another Dr appointment, signed the lease on our new place, and Kevin's been getting ready for his finals. I have really been feeling this pregnancy lately...not so much in a good way haha. It's hit me like a ton of bricks very quickly - funny how you can go from feeling just fine to completely handicapped in a few short weeks. This third trimester business is no joke! But I am just pluggin along...we're getting so close now, it's so exciting! I can't wait for July to get here! :)


How Far Along:  30 weeks 4 days
Baby is the size of: a head of lettuce - about 17 inches and right around 3lbs.  
Symptoms: SO many! I am suddenly very tired again..all that 2nd trimester energy burst stuff is long gone! It's getting so much harder to get around now and I feel like I am always out of breath. Also, another new development...because my uterus is getting so big, it is completely smashing my stomach and intestines. So I can no longer eat anything without feeling sick to my stomach. No matter what it is, if I have more than a few bites at a time, I feel awful. This is just no fun. I have also become a burping machine (tmi?) haha. Some random pains pop up here and there also but nothing really bad so far. 
Movement: She has now switched from kicking a lot to rolling. I am feeling her moving constantly now and it just feels like she's doing tons of somersaults in there! The doctor said she is head down still so that's great news! Every so often, I can feel her butt sticking out for a minute and then it goes away...I tell Kevin she's booty popping already...he doesn't seem to think it's very funny ;)
Have you told anyone? Everyone knows!
Miss Anything? being able to walk at a normal pace.
Food Cravings: Lately I haven't been wanting any food in particular but I am always thirsty! I have been picking which restaurants to go to based on their drink selections haha.
Anything making you sick/queasy? No one food in particular, just anything if I eat very much of it.
The Bump: is SO big! I feel like I look way bigger than a lot of people this far along but my doctor assures me I am not...(yes, I ask every time ha).
Gender prediction: Baby K is a GIRL!
Mood: This past week, I have definitely noticed myself getting much more emotional. It comes in bursts of grumpiness and usually revolves around food haha. Kevin's been so great with tolerating my mood swings and I've been trying to keep them to a minimum. Here's to hoping that stays under control for the next 9 weeks!
Best Moment this week:   When we had our 30 week Dr appt last week, he let us get an ultrasound! It was so fun to see her again - it had been a long time! She's definitely getting chubbier and even though she didn't really want to look at the camera, we got to catch a little glimpse of her face (she most definitely has Kevin's nose!). We also met with our doula, Sarah again this past weekend and it is always so reassuring to talk to her. I am so glad she is going to be there with us through this labor and delivery :)
Looking forward to: We have SUCH a busy next month! Next week have another doctors appointment and we are going up to LA to see Kevin's brother graduate from college (woohoo!). And then the following week, we are getting some family pictures taken and then my mom is coming out to visit, we're getting a 3D ultrasound, touring some daycare places, having a baby shower, and then moving! So we definitely have A LOT to look forward to! :)