I have been dreaming about being pregnant since I was about 17...I have always been fascinated with the whole thing and enjoyed reading/researching everything baby related. So, when I got pregnant last year, I really thought I had a good grasp on how it would all go down. I knew about all the possible symptoms, and had read about eight billion birth stories. I knew it all....until I realized I knew nothing. There were many times during those 10 months where I yelled out, 'why did no one tell me about this?!' So on that note, I figured I would put some of that stuff out there...the stuff no one tells you about having a baby that I wish I had known!
Pregnancy
- for those who drew the 'morning sickness' straw, I am so sorry but it is not morning, it is 24 hours a day. And it is nothing like any nausea you've ever had before...it's not like the flu. It's constant and horrible. All those 'remedies' you hear about don't really make much of a difference. It's just something you have to survive.
- all those grand plans of maintaining your work out routine throughout the pregnancy are a load of crap. You will be exhausted! A few walks a week is about as far as it'll go unless you're some kind of freak and in that case, you can just go shove it. ;)
- that 'cute pregnant phase' only really lasts about 2-3 weeks. You pass through it very quickly and arrive at whale status all too soon.
- EVERYONE will stare at you. All the time. You may think it won't bother you, but trust me, when you're already feeling like a gross slob and then every person that you pass stares you down like you have a third leg, you'll get annoyed. I think this is where the bitchy pregnant lady rep comes from. Which leads me to...
- men will be afraid of you. I found that no man would even make eye contact with me...like they thought I would rip their head off if I caught them looking at me...which might not have been too far off. ;)
- don't make any plans after 34 weeks. You may think you'll be fine even up until a week or so before, but it will all of a sudden hit you like a train and suddenly, you can barely function. So make sure to get anything done before you hit that point.
Labor & Delivery
- don't plan on things going according to plan. There are so many variables and every labor can be so different. Just stay flexible.
- you won't use 80% of the things you pack in your hospital bag. Don't overpack...just the basics. You will spend most of the time not giving two shits about what you look like so you don't need to bring cute stuff.
- you won't necessarily have lots of pre-labor time. My labor progressed so fast at the beginning- 0-6cm in one hour. So be prepared for a quick trip to the hospital.
- you will see your doctor for a total of 4 minutes at the hospital. It's all about the nurses so make sure you like yours. You can always request a different one and don't be afraid to - it can make all the difference.
- if you are laboring through the night, just know that the anesthesiologist will be on call and will need to wake up before coming to help you. This can take up to half an hour so don't wait until you think you might die if you have another contraction...ask for that wake up call!
- if your hospital room has a tub or shower, USE IT! The hot water really feels great during labor and can help when you feel like you can't take any more.
- the ever-dreaded question: will I poop when pushing?? Yes. You will. No one will even bat an eye at that point so just don't even worry about it.
- labor and delivery is gross. There will be more bodily fluids gushing out of you than you ever thought possible. Just expect it to be extremely messy (another reason not to wear anything nice).
- you may be pushing for a loooong time! It's not necessarily like on tv - two pushes and she's out! For some people, yes, but others have to push for hours.
- as horrible as it is, you really do forget about the pain quickly and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Post-Partum
- the squishy-ness of your stomach in the days following delivery is shocking. It won't go away instantly. And that hideous linea nigra...that sticks around for wayy too long.
- breastfeeding is stressful. Read up on it beforehand - it's not as simple as it seems.
- it's okay to hold your baby all night long and never put her down. You've earned it :)
- sleep as much as you can! It's hard when you're so excited and likely will have visitors, but really try to sleep as much as you can - your body's just been through a really big ordeal.
- hot flashes. No one told me about this! After the baby is born, you will get these insane hot flashes especially at night and when the baby cries. They last for a few weeks.
At Home
- LET PEOPLE HELP YOU. I have a hard time with this, but seriously, let others bring you food, clean your house, take care of the dog etc. Coming home is stressful and every bit of help is awesome!
- soak up this time of prime tv/Netflix watching while the babe is sleeping 20 hours a day. Pretty soon, you will actually have to entertain your baby and watching tv becomes much more difficult.
- just do whatever gets you by. Forget all the 'advice' from others and just do whatever you can to survive the first few weeks/months. If you need to co-sleep, supplement with formula, or whatever you swore you wouldn't do, just DO IT! No one will judge.
- get some pictures with YOU in them! I know you'll feel fat, gross and completely unattractive, but these pictures are ones you'll look back on and will want to have! And make sure to get a few without your boobs out so you can actually show people ;)
- the first time you try to work out after having the baby, you will probably wet your pants.
- just remember that this won't last. Whatever phase they are in right now will be over by next week and you'll be on to the next thing. So when you think you can't take it anymore, just keep in mind, it'll be different in a few days. After 6 weeks, it really gets better and better.
And there you have it! All the things I wish someone had told me when I was pregnant! Hope this was helpful :)
